So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
