he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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