I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
