Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
