I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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