Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
