Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
