I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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