Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
