I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
