If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
