i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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