you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
