you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
