I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
