When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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