Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
