There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
