i was born a porn star she said
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
