If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
