i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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