How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
