so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
