It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
