i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
