The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
