Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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