this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
