i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
