I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
