Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
