What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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