i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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