I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
