the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
