are you so shy because you have an std?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
