I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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