just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
