dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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