So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
