i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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