Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
