hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
