walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
