So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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