when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
