Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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