can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
