Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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