so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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