Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
