they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
