the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
