i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
