I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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