WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
