I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
