Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
PANTIES FOUND
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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