Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am naked and annoyed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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