I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
