look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
