shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
