I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
