no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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